Having a 4th Child: Crazy, Amazing or Both?

career kids marriage parenting Jan 22, 2022

Right as the pandemic started, we had been hoping to get pregnant with our 4th (and final) child.  However, the uncertainty of a pandemic was too much for us to try and navigate along with remote schooling for our kids, remote work, and just trying to stay protected from the virus. However, I am happy to report that this summer, after both being fully vaccinated this spring, we decided to go for it.  The reactions and questions have been really all over the place.  Tune in to hear about how we made this decision, what we are gaining, and what we are sacrificing. 

I'll explore: 

Why a 4th? 

  • Going into marriage we said that we wanted 3-5 kids.  Even after we had Joanna (our 3rd), I think we both felt our family wasn’t complete yet. 
  • Furthermore, our kids like each other.  They've been asking for a sibling for a couple of years now.  
  • Cullen may have his own additional reasons, but I kept coming back to conversations we had with people along our parenting journey.  We would meet folks in their 50s and 60s who would tell us that they regret not having more kids. 
  • Now, we didn’t talk to people who regretted having so many kids so there is some bias there:)

How will you manage???

  • It's funny to even think about this question because it’s the one that I think most people, especially moms, have.  How are you going to do it?   And, I am honest.  I have no idea.   But I didn’t have any idea the 1st time.  Or going from 1 to 2 or from 2 to 3.   You just figure it out.  It’s going to be crazy and exhausting and stressful.  There are going to be times where I momentarily ask myself what the hell did I do? 
  • And yet, the joy that I feel as a mom.  The ways that God has grown me as a person and the awe of watching humans develop is worth it for me.  The things that I have and do now that I didn’t with 1 kid or 2 kids are worth it.
  • I am a planner by nature, so I don’t say these things willy nilly.  And, if this were 10 years ago, I probably would call BS on myself.   Have kids has taught me a lot about my desire for control in a world where we don’t actually have much control. 
  • It’s also taught me that the challenges and the triumphs of our lives will be from the things that we didn’t expect or map out. 
  • Finally, I’d be remiss to not address a real fear and sacrifice of having multiple children (not just 4).   Each of them get less direct attention from you.  You’re human with finite energy, time, and attention.  There are certainly moments where I feel like I am not doing a good enough job.  But I felt that way with only 1 kid.   Does it mean I don’t have area for improvement?  Certainly not.  But it also doesn’t mean that I am a worse parent or that my children are lacking vs. kids with fewer siblings. 
  • And, there is something that we can neither measure nor predict, which is our kids relationship with each other.   



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