How to Put Self-Love Into Action

self-care self-love time Mar 02, 2019

Last weeks episode focused on self-love.  It laid a framework to think about how to truly love yourself, starting with what you think, say and require of yourself and those around you. 

That foundation is important.  But, the focus of WifeMotherLeader is always how to put action behind ideas. How does this work in my real life that is messy, busy and not packages in 5 clear steps? 

Today's podcast focuses on some specific ways that you can translate self-love into your daily life. Remember, self-care is really self- love in action.  So, consistent self-care is what you do because you have self-love.

Here are 6 ways that you can put self-love into action: 

  1. One Hour Per Week of "Think Time."   
    1. Many of us spend most of our day consuming content and listening to outside voices.  Maybe it's music, podcasts, audiobooks, your colleagues and clients, and/or your family.   How much time do you have without the background noise of life to just think?
    2. Action: Try to get a set amount of time each week, where you are not listening to any "noise".  No podcasts, music, or videos.  Just time in your own mind to think, dream, talk to yourself and really “be”
    3. Tips:
      1. It doesn’t have to all be at once.
      2. It doesn't have to be a "long" time.  Start small (10 minutes) and work you way up.  
      3. I started taking the walking portion of my morning commute to work (15 minutes) and do that 2-3 times per week. 
  2. Say No
    1. Women spend most of our time saying yes to all the things that people need from us.  This happens at home and at work.   So, you need to start saying no more often and more confidently.  
    2. Action: Practice saying no.  To people at work. Kids.  Even to your spouse
    3. Tips:
      1. It's difficult at first and you'll want to keep saying yes.  Don't. 
      2. No doesn't mean "never"
      3. Some examples:
        1. I can’t do that right now, but I can do that in 10 minutes (kids).
        2. I don’t have capacity for that right now.   Can I join the committee next fall? (volunteering)
        3. That seems important.  I am already work ing on these X other high priority items that we agreed upon.  Do you want this to take priority of one of those? (to you boss at work)
        4. I can’t coordinate, but I can create the flyer/order food/make calls, etc. (kids school)
        5. I can’t reschedule this commitment (massage, reading time, day off, etc.), because it’s important to me.  But, I can find another time that works. (anyone who asks you to do something that conflicts with your self-care practices)
  3. Speak Up (especially at work). 
    1. You have something to say, something that someone needs to hear.  Where is a place that you’ve been scared to speak up?  Maybe it’s at home with your husband. Maybe it’s at work with your team or manager.   
    2. Action: Start by speaking your mind one time in the next week.  If your negative self-talk is changing, then your desire to speak and advocate will as well. 
    3. Tips: 
      1. Start small.  Speaking up doesn't have to mean controversy.  It can be adding an idea to a discussion or recognizing a team member publically. 
      2. Practice first. Aloud.  It's easier to say something once you have said it aloud already. 
  4. Use some everyday hacks to free up time: 
    1. You can't just add self-care on top of a packed schedule.  You have to take back the time from someplace else.  If it's going to be consistent, then you'll need a way to consistently get that time. 
    2. Action: Identify at least one way that you can get back at least 2 hours per week. 
    3. Tips:
      1. Ask your husband for a consistent time that you can use for yourself (Saturday mornings, Tuesday evenings, etc.)
      2. Hire a babysitter (check out the free guide)
      3. Hire a home cleaner (check out the free guide)
  5. Invest time in something you care about / a hobby
    1. Getting a new hobby is probably the last thing on your mind.  Where the hell will I find the time, Donielle?  But, that's the point.   You need to find the time, even if it's just an hour a month.  Time to invest in something important to you, that will help you grow or relax or whatever you need. 
    2. Action: Use some of the time from #4 to dedicate to yourself.   Or, find another way to get 1-2 hour per month (or even per week).  Learn something new or just something you've always wanted to learn.
    3. Tips:
      1. Instead of your usual wind-down, try to use one night per week
      2. Hire a babysitter just for your own downtime
  6. Extended time away (not just a few hours)
    1. Getting a few hours for a date night or some time for yourself is great.  But, if you want to take that to a new level, try to get away overnight.  A night away at a local hotel is a great way to get a real break.  
    2. Action: Sit down with your husband and a calendar and find a time that you can go away for a night.  Don't make it more complicated than that:)
    3. Tips:
      1. Try the Friday night or Sunday night of a long weekend
      2. If you're really nervous, help with the preparation (dinner, etc) before you go so that you won't spend your time away worrying.
      3. Try to do this at least 2 times per year
      4. If you travel for work, this might not sound appealing.  A creative alternative is to send your husband and kids away for a night and stay at home by yourself. 



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